So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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