I wish my penis had an off switch
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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