True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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