You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
