Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
the liver wants what the liver wants
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
