Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
