I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
