just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
