escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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