He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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