They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
