You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
