Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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