1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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