so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
