Everything about him screamed your future.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize