Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
