Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
