People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
