Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
