Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
