I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
