Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
