dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
