Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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