I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
