He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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