If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
that is very illegal...i love you.
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