You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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