if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
