You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
