I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize