even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize