So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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