We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Are my feet made of real feet?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
