Your tits are I can't wait for
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
