Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and she was petting her beer can
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
