Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
