he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Operation Purity has been aborted
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
