is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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