No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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