I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
