good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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