I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's just like the Real World with babies
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
