I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
