It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
