I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
