based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
