Your dad touched me again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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