just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
