You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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