Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
