We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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