I just pynch a tree in the face
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
