Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We got so high we made milksteak
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
