You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
