Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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