Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
