I have demons in me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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