Your face is a jimmy john
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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