I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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