I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
