Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
