hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
