Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
