I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
