You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
