day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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