...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
