Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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