she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
